The sunset was warm on my right shoulder.
Graciously the fellow sitting next to me said I could have his window seat, much to my delight.
I watched curiously as the clouds changed around us, they kept changing.
I kept trying to take photos of them through a dirty airplane window never once able to capture their complex beauty.
It’s as though Mother Nature sees our advances in technology and still allows us the gift of being able to appreciate her power as it is. Uncapturable.
Experienced best with our hearts and our eyes and our breathing alive in the nature that we are.
I saw other planes and wondered where they were going.
I thought of all the goodbyes and all of the warm welcomes. The families and the backpackers, the honeymooners and the business execs.
I wondered if the babies on the other planes were crying as much as our plane babies and smiled wondering how many babies fly without any idea they’ve been anywhere until someone tells them years later.
The sunset streaked the clouds.
More cloud types than I’ve seen in one sky in a long time and more than I was able to identify.
The clouds have so many layers like we do but so often you cannot see them and they just get grouped together and called clouds. Not by their names. Not by their varying qualities and unique ability to rise.
I’ve committed to writing everyday of this journey. Writing without restrictions. Writing without trying to make it pretty or interesting and instead just real.
Writing without giving a shit about who reads it or doesn’t and if its good or not.
SO often I have gone though my writing and been inspired by something I had shared in the past, healed by my own medicine.
Mostly its the posts i thought about deleting, or not sharing in the first place.
On my flight I went through all of my writing on my computer and organized it. Blown away by some of the profound insights I’ve been too shy to share, I realized the importance of simply honouring what I feel and putting the learning into the world – this is my journey. Theres nothing to hide.
Everything experienced is the perfect ground for awakening.
I’ve felt so many emotions come and go and don’t think too much about it as I allow them to move through me.
Touchdown triggers sadness.
The whole flight I am so excited and cant wait to get here and the moment I do, everything comes flooding back. Its raining and to me feels so perfect for how I am feeling, wash me clean Mayan rain Gods – other people onboard are complaining about the weather forgetting that we just flew out of -15. Classic humans get your head out of your first world ass, there are only rainbows when it rains and if there was no rain we would all die.
I’m coming into a in-depth period of self-study, and know full well I have some yucky, messy mountains to move in my heart and exciting new awakening to open in my mind.
It’s amazing how much lightness has come since my committing to this. It didn’t seem real until I was on the plane and even then I was in disbelief.
Walking through the Cancun airport and I smile the moment that Caribbean smell hits me.
Not the ocean, yet. But the public place, disinfected with unfamiliar soap smell.
I’m grateful for it as this smell reminds me that time has passed and much has changed since I smelled this and though I walk alone, I am not alone.
Tears linger below the surface and my body asks for handstands but In this vulnerability one upright breath at a time standing unnoticed in a busy airport is enough.
Part of me already wants to run and say I did it, it was great, I learned so much.
Stay comfortable, carry on, bury the feelings, hide the discomfort. It will disappear.
Funny how ego can convince us so easily not to travel to the places within that truly set us free. Ego can even come up with a really amazing story to justify not getting your hands dirty with the inner messes we make inside ourselves.
This is where real transformation happens – the staying with it when it’s not pretty or comfortable or when we are faced with the real hard to swallow learning.
I board the same bus headed to catch the same boat to the same island where I went 11 months ago and now everything is different. Hell yes to new beginnings!
Last time I was in Cozumel I made so many wishes not knowing it was the island of fertility – careful what you wish for here cause it will come true.
I wished for a band and now I have two.
I wished for more yoga training and now here I am doing it.
I wished to connect to more like-minded people travelling and living an alternative lifestyle and they are all around me!
The more I commit to trusting this path I am walking the faster the karma is burning up and the faster my dreams are manifesting before my eyes.
Its darker than dark out but that’s ok cause I’m bringing some mega wattage in this heart of mine. Yesterday I woke up with the words “In the darkest night we find the brightest light” and here I am finding the light in everything.
Bring it darkness – the universe has called me here exactly where I need to be to heal and I’m ready.
One of my best friends told me: “Tears are a good thing it means you’re releasing. I’m glad you’re not holding onto the anger anymore, I was worried you were going to blow up.”
Everything is familiar and on a rainy night on Mexican streets awaiting a pickup from my teachers I stand proud with tears of gratitude. I’m so excited to step into my bright and beautiful future without carrying the shadows of my past.
In the darkness, nothing has a shadow.