Sometimes what you need to do in order to change your life
The very tough choices that you need to make to be happy may actually feel terrible in the beginning.
Sometimes you will cry
Sometimes you will feel doubt and frustration and a whole mix of emotions.
Sometimes you will second guess yourself but every time you listen to the call of your heart you are free – and you know it.
I can only tell you this because it is currently taking place in my own life.
I want to tell you what is real with words that enable you to feel me
Because when you feel me – there is no longer me and you
There is only us
And were the ones who must change the world
So regardless of if you practice, or you don’t.
Or if you work in an office, or you are a student or you are retired
The truth is we are all one
The stories we have are all just stories
But they are what unite us in the deepest of “gut feelings” and full body smiles.
This is my journey, through uncertainty to the greatest joys I have ever felt
I planned it all out
I bought the ticket
I left the jobs
I closed the doors and walked away from the apartment we once called home
I kissed my family and friends “farewell for now”
I packed my life into 2 bags plus a guitar
I took flight from the town
I shared to everyone how excited I was for this next step: 4 months of Ashram life.
The so-called plan I had, was not the plan that the Universe had in store for me.
Part of me knew all along, I need to teach.
Part of me know all along that sharing yoga, self-care, mindfulness, music, dance, song and a secret burning desire to run free around the world is why I am on this earth.
But I still thought I could somehow manifest these ideals living in an Ashram.
I wasn’t necessarily wrong, but a few short days in, I knew the energy just wasn’t right.
It took every fibre of my being to pack up my tent.
It took countless focused deep breaths and tears and telling myself “its all going to be ok, maybe no plan is the plan.”
I packed my whole life back into my 2 bags
I walked away from the script in my mind about what was supposed to be and into the unknown with no plan except to be limitless in the amount I shine.
I have enough money to humbly get by until I figure out my next steps with salt water-soaked cheeks.
I have enough
I have enough
I am enough.
But what will they say?
Work it out
This was your choice.”
I knew immediately it wasn’t right
I didn’t make a mistake,
I made a learning.
And once I realized that fear was the only thing keeping me, I started packing.
A warrior woman told me:
“The world needs your Light, you know what you need to do. Trust yourself.”
I thought of all the Lights
All of the shining beings who taught me to serve from my heart and sing the song of my soul
I thought of each class that grew me
All of the people who unknowingly asked me to go deeper just by showing up
I remembered all of the times I asked them to turn their fear into love and their love into trust to harness the unknown potential in every moment.
And now I stand alone
As the universe asks the same of me
How do I make my soul proud?
How do I contribute to an energy that lasts,
a legend that lives long after I have left my physical body.
Such a deep-rooted love for freedom that benefits all beings.
How do I become a pure channel for transformation in our world?
An instrument for the revolution where we are not different.
All beings of one human race where love is the answer to every question.
I stand alone on a dock
looking out on the sunset over the infinite ocean
with my whole life packed into 2 bags
I take the first step into the unknown
I take the first step into limitless possibility
letting go with my exhale what was not meant to be
and breathing in with my inhale all life that ever was and ever will be
The best I can do to feel this moment is breathe between my tears.
I have a million what-ifs.
I have a thousand questions.
I have one little voice whispering inside
“with no plan it means that everything is possible.”
“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” Lao Tzu
I arrive on the other shore
I wait for a taxi who shows up blasting Adele’s greatest hits.
It couldn’t be more perfect.
He asks me if I am okay as I wipe my tears.
I say “I am better than ok, this is the first fucking day of the rest of my life, lets sing!”
I cry even louder.
I sing cry.
It’s so ridiculous that I can’t help but laugh at myself.
He laughs at me too.
It’s not my prettiest moment.
But here I am alive, and breathing, and knowing this moment is everything.
He turns the volume up so loud that I cant even hear me.
We are definitely rolling in the deep transformative essence in this moment.
The sun sets.
Tomorrow is a brand new day.
Do you know you are enough?
Do you know that you alone can change the world?
Do you know the universe has great things in store for you?
Can you trust the unknown?
When I talk to my family and friends back home they didn’t question me for a split second.
They know, I know, what I need.
In fact they individually mentioned:
“knowing something was up,
we could feel you in a struggle.
We knew we needed to send you love.
So that’s exactly what we did.”
I’m so blessed.
I’m on a path.
Blazing the trail with every choice made in love.